It Matters To Me
Baby tell me, where’d you ever learn
To fight without sayin' a word?
She tried to hit the brakes harder. Couldn’t. Damn. He shot her dagger eyes. Double damn. But, he’d been in trouble, which was her only reason for rushing in like that. The contact had run off, dropping the gun that Amanda had thought was a threat. She realized, as Lee picked it up off the grass, that it was in a plastic bag, something like an evidence bag. Well, she couldn’t tell that, the way Lee’s contact had pulled it out of his jacket pocket, and her sitting 50 yards away in the Corvette.
Lee opened the driver’s side door and motioned for Amanda to get out. He had inspected the damage, and she was sure it was minor. The car had bumped the tree with a Thunk. She’d heard the glass of the parking light on the front of the car breaking. Guiltily, she slunk out of the car and around, into the passengers seat.
Lee threw the muddied evidence bag into the back. With his arm around the back of her seat, he backed up and drove them to the Agency.
“I’m sorry Lee. I thought he was going to shoot you,” Amanda said as he drove, “I’ll pay to have your car fixed. That really was my fault.”
Lee shook his head in the negative and kept driving. Amanda wished he’d say something. Before they admitted their feelings, he’d screamed at her many a time for something done wrong. At least she’d known where she stood.
Lee still wasn’t talking to her, and lunchtime was nearing. Since he wouldn’t talk, or really listen to her, she hadn’t been able to tell him she’d made alternate lunch plans. She had tried standing directly in front of him, tried to take his hand in hers. All to no avail. He was determined to pretend to look something up in the computer. She finished writing up the expense report from the prior week and closed the file, rummaging in her desk for her purse.
“I’m going to lunch with Francine and Pat. I’ll be back in an hour or so,” Amanda said.
This seemed to shake Lee out of his reverie, “Pat? Who’s Pat?’
“Pat is one of the steno girls. So don’t get jealous,” Amanda said, daring him to get revenge for what had happened that morning.
“Oh. Lunch with Francine huh? I didn’t think you two got along quite that well,” Lee grinned a little.
“Actually, Pat invited me. She thinks Francine wants some steno pool gossip, not that she has any. I’m going as a buffer.”
“You’re just going to let Pat use you like that?” Lee shrugged.
“At least they talk to me, and besides, I know what I’m doing,” Amanda stated.
Lee snorted.
“We can talk about that later,” Amanda said, knowing he meant that she certainly didn’t know how to drive.
It turned out that they didn’t get to talk later. Dr. Smyth had called a department meeting that lasted from one until three. After that, Amanda had to take Jamie to a doctor’s appointment, so she was gone before the morning’s events could be discussed.
Then waltz back into my life
Like it's all gonna be alright
Don't you know how much it hurts?
There was an all too familiar tapping on the window. The house was nothing but noise, yet Amanda was still able to pick out the light sound. She supposed she’d been looking for it. With no explanation to anyone, she slipped out the back door.
“Hi,” Lee said, all grins.
“Hi,” Amanda said, trying to keep her distance, “You need something?”
“Wanted to say goodnight. I didn’t get much chance at the Agency,” Lee said, pulling her closer to him.
“That’s all you wanted?” Amanda asked, holding his hands in hers.
“Yeah,” Lee said softly.
“What about your car? And the contact?” Amanda asked, still worried.
“It’s fine, no problem,” Lee said, taking a look in the direction where the now fixed ‘Vette was sitting.
“Why wouldn’t you talk to me about it?” Amanda asked, “You just come here tonight like nothing happened, but you ignored me all morning.”
“Amanda, I didn’t want to yell at you. But I couldn’t forgive you yet. I guess I didn’t think talking about it would make either of us feel better,” Lee admitted, looking down at their hands and giving them a gentle squeeze.
When we don't talk
When we don't touch
When it doesn't feel like we're even in love
It matters to me
When I don't know what to say
Don't know what to do
Don't know if it really even matters to you
How can I make you see
It matters to me
“Lee…Talking is what I do,” Amanda reminded him.
Lee grinned, nodding.
“If we don’t talk about our problems, work them out…. when I’m ignored, Lee, that matters to me, it hurts me. Especially you coming here tonight as if nothing happened, still not wanting to discuss it,” Amanda said forcefully, turning from him to gaze out at her mother’s garden, “I didn’t know what to do or say around you today. It felt like we weren’t partners, or friends.”
Maybe I still don't understand
The distance between a woman and a man
So tell me how far it is
And how you can love like this
'Cause I'm not sure I can
“Trust me, we’re friends,” Lee said, turning her to face him.
“Maybe I just don’t understand you enough. Maybe it’s just me,” Amanda said, loosely clasping her arms around his hips, “How far away am I from knowing the real Lee? How do you get mad all morning and then decide it’s all okay?”
Lee looked Amanda in the eyes. Having her feel this way was never his intended goal, even after what happened, “Amanda, you aren’t the one who messed up today, not really. You were concerned for me, and I was more concerned that I didn’t get the rest of the information. I’m sorry. No more silent mornings, ok?”
When we don’t talk
When we don’t touch
When it doesn’t feel like we’re even in love
It matters to me
When I don’t know what to say
Don’t know what to do
Don’t know if it really even matters to you
How can I make you see
It matters to me
“Okay. But you have to know that I need you Lee, in every way, even when you are angry with me, or disappointed with me. I love you and I need your touch; I need you to tell me how you feel. And I need to be able to tell you how I feel. I can’t handle the kind of silence that we had today. Not knowing where I stood with you. I need to know what to do to make things better,” Amanda reiterated.
“I think I can do that. I’ll try to do that. I love you and I don’t want to lose you,” Lee placed a kiss on Amanda’s cheek. They both ducked as something made of Nerf hit the window Amanda was standing next to.
“I’m gong to have to go in there,” Amanda said.
“No, don’t. Let you mother handle the boys a minute,” Lee hugged her to him, not wanting to let go.
“I have to go in there, Sweetheart, I came out here without a word to them,” Amanda insisted.
“Well, okay,” Lee said, giving her a final squeeze, “I’ll see you at work tomorrow?”
“Bright and early.” Amanda said, giving him a wink.
The End
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: None of the SMK characters belong to me, and I have in no way harmed them during this writing. The song, “It Matters to Me” belongs to Faith Hill. I thank her for the inspiration. Any similarities to any person or incident, real or fictitious, are coincidental.
Author's Notes: This takes place after Unfinished Bussiness and before No Thanks for the Memory. Be warned this is fairly short, as it's a songfic. I have posted the song in it's entirety in the story, only broken into relevent parts
Author's Notes: This takes place after Unfinished Bussiness and before No Thanks for the Memory. Be warned this is fairly short, as it's a songfic. I have posted the song in it's entirety in the story, only broken into relevent parts