A Promise of Things to Come
New Year's Eve Day, 1986
'Well,' Amanda thought to herself as she stared out the kitchen window, 'another momentous Christmas for the King household.' Amanda loved Christmas time and all it had to offer – the decorations, the music, the spirit of the season, and even all the extra work that came along with it. She and her mother spent hours baking cookies and pies, some to be used as gifts for neighbors and co-workers, and others to be enjoyed by their family and friends as well as the people eating at their church's community dinner. Amanda spent hours shopping trying to find the perfect gifts for her family. Everyone seemed to be pleased with her choices. She always seemed to find just the right gift to make someone's day. She had even spent time with Lee helping him to complete his shopping, trying to steer him clear of his favorite "scarves for everyone" gift-buying spree. She was pleased with the results. He managed, without her help, to purchase snowboards for the boys and jewelry for her, and although he had reverted to scarves for her Mother and Aunt Lillian, they were not winter scarves, but silk scarves. Both ladies were quite taken with their gifts as well as the giver. Yes, this Christmas would be one to remember. For one thing, Lee had spent both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with her and her family. This was Lee's first real family Christmas since he was a little boy and she was truly grateful that he seemed to enjoy it as much as she. That is until the Agency intervened and Lee was called away on assignment. She hadn't heard from him since he left on Christmas night, but she had spoken several times to either Francine or Billy Melrose and had been assured that Lee had made each of his check ins. However, neither could tell her when Lee might return.
Another difference was the presence of her ex-husband. She was glad Joe was back in the states and seemed to show a sincere interest in making up for lost time with his sons. Yet, she had been surprised at her reaction when Joe asked if the boys could spend Christmas evening with him and his family. Sure, the boys spent numerous nights away from home at sleepovers or camping trips with the Junior Trailblazers, but this was the first holiday she had been separated from them. And it bothered her a great deal. It wasn't the fact that Joe wanted to take the boys. It was the fact that Christmas was a time for families to be together and this was the first year she had not been with the boys at Christmas. Lee noticed the sadness she was feeling and did everything in his power to try and brighten her spirits. He really had been wonderful and before long, he had her laughing again and back in the spirit of Christmas.
Wearily, she washed up the few remaining dishes from her afternoon of bread making. It was New Year's Eve Day and this was a holiday she was not looking forward to. She tried her best to hide her melancholy mood from her family and that really had been fairly easy. Dotty was excited about her trip with Captain Kurt to take Lillian back home. She had been talking of nothing else since Christmas night when the Captain made the offer. He even promised Dotty some time at the controls. She couldn't wait to show Lillian all she had learned under the Captain's tutelage. In fact, she was upstairs with Lillian packing since she and the Captain were going to spend a few days at Lillian's home.
The boys had been even more excited than Dotty because they left early that morning for a ski trip with the youth group from church. They were spending the day at one of the local ski slopes and returning to the church that evening for an overnight New Year's Eve party. They were going to watch videos, play games, and eat while waiting for the ball to drop indicating the beginning of a brand new year. Joe had even volunteered as a chaperone.
There were no special traditions they observed on New Year's Eve or New Year's Day. Most of the time, both days were spent with the boys, playing games, attending a movie, watching football, or occasionally taking in one of those really good end-of the year sales. But with the boys, Dotty and Aunt Lillian gone Amanda was left with a lot of time on her hands and a lot of memories she really didn't want to deal with. New Year's Eve was always difficult for her but she usually managed to conceal her feeling well so as not to upset her family. But this year, she was going to be alone and she could feel that before the night was over, she would be in tears. That's when she decided she needed something to do to occupy her time, so she set about making bread. Usually, she found a way to keep the memories buried until everyone else had gone to bed. Only then would she feel them overtake her.
"Oh, Amanda," Dotty said as she entered the kitchen, "you've been working too hard this afternoon. You should try and get some rest."
Hugging her mother she replied, "Aw, Mother, I'm fine. I just wanted to bake some bread. Would you like to take some with you on your trip?"
Inhaling deeply the earthy aroma of the freshly baked bread, Dotty smiled and said, "Oh that would be lovely. That way we'll have it for breakfast tomorrow. Darling, are you sure you won't come with us? You know you're more than welcome."
"Oh no, Mother, thank you though. I'm not sure Captain Kurt's plane would hold all of us. Besides, you are going to stay with Aunt Lillian for a couple of days and I have to be here tomorrow night when the boys come home."
"But are you gonna be all right, my love?"
"Mother, I'll be fine. You go on and finish packing. Captain Kurt will be here before you know it."
"What are you going to do all evening, dear? Have you heard anything from Lee? I don't understand what is so important about the film business that he had to be called away on Christmas night. And why hasn't he called?"
Before Amanda could answer, Dotty continued, "Oh, dear, you don't think he got upset with us, do you? I mean I know we asked him a lot of questions. Do you think that's why he…"
"Mo-ther," Amanda said trying to stop her mother's ramblings, "I'm sure Lee wasn't upset. In fact, he said he had a very enjoyable Christmas with us. He was just called in to work on a special project that…," she paused trying to come up with a plausible excuse. "This project has to be completed as soon as possible and it needed his expertise."
"Well, that may be but it still doesn't explain why he hasn't called you."
"I'm sure he's just been busy Mother. He'll call when he has a chance. Now, I think I hear Captain Kurt's car in the driveway, so you'd better run upstairs and finish up. I'll keep him company until you're ready."
Heading up the stairs, Dotty muttered to herself, "Oh he hates it when I make him wait."
Amanda fixed coffee for the Captain and kept him entertained while her Mother and Aunt Lillian finished their packing. Soon they were trudging down the stairs with suitcases in tow.
"Well, I guess we're ready, although Dotty kept rushing me so, I'm not sure I got everything."
"Oh of course you did, but if you did leave anything, I'll mail it to you when I get back," Dotty assured her.
Aunt Lillian crossed the room to hug Amanda. "Thank you, my dear, for the lovely time. I always enjoy spending Christmas with you all. You give those boys a hug and kiss for me when they get back." Turning and heading for the door, she called back over her shoulder, "and give that adorable man of yours a kiss for me, too. He's a keeper, Amanda, definitely a keeper!"
"I'll do that, Aunt Lillian. You know you're welcome to come and visit us at anytime. We love having you here."
"As long as she keeps her hands off the Christmas goose," Dotty muttered under her breath.
"I heard that, Mother. Listen you have a wonderful time. I'll see you in a few days."
"Amanda, darling, are you sure you're going to be okay? I mean, I know this is a hard time for you."
"Mother, really, I'll be okay. You'd better go. You've kept Captain Kurt waiting long enough."
"Oh my gosh, he's never gonna let me fly that plane if we don't get going. I'll call you from Lillian's to let you know we arrived safely. Goodbye, darling," she said hugging Amanda to her, "and don't let yourself get all gloomy tonight. It's only one night of the year."
"You're right, Mother. I love you."
"And I love you." With another hug, Dotty then gathered up her purse and headed for the door.
Amanda heaved a big sigh. 'Yeah, it's only one night of the year…' she let her thoughts trail off as she headed back to the kitchen to finish putting things away. New Year's Eve was not one of Amanda's favorite holidays. She could feel the sadness wash over her as surely as the water cascaded over the dishes she washed. It might just be the let down after the rush and excitement of Christmas. But she knew that wasn't the reason. There had been too many things that happened on this day; some she had never shared with anyone. As she continued with the dishes, the memories she tried to hold at bay came crashing into her conscious.
It was a day she'd never forget. She was sixteen and happy as a lark. She loved being home with her family on Christmas break and they had enjoyed a wonderful Christmas holiday. Amanda giggled as she heard her Mother and Aunt Lillian having another one of their 'family discussions' as her father had come to call them. Amanda and her father were seated in the living room about to begin a game of Scrabble when suddenly her father clutched his chest. "Panda, you get your mother, please," he called to her with a pained expression on his face. Amanda ran into the kitchen and screamed for Dotty to come. They called an ambulance and rushed to the hospital. Amanda's father suffered a mild heart attack back in the summer, but the doctors seemed to think that he was doing well. This time, however, he'd suffered a major attack. He would remain in the hospital for three weeks but he never recovered. To Amanda, New Year's Eve was the day she lost her father.
Tears flowed down her cheeks as she mourned for the man she loved so dearly. 'Why, Daddy, why did you have to die so young? I wish you could know your grandsons. Phillip is so much like you. And Jamie, well, he's like me. Oh Daddy, I wish you could know Lee. He's so wonderful and I love him so. I miss you so much.' Amanda stood at the sink, her shoulders slumped, her hands in the dishwater, with silent tears flowing from her eyes. The clock chiming brought her back to the present and she wiped away the tears. 'Well, this isn't doing me any good. It's only five o'clock and I'm already a basket case.' She finished up things in the kitchen and went into the family room. Sighing she looked around for something to do. She walked over to the bookshelf and began straightening the albums. One in particular would not go back in it's spot no matter how hard she tried so she simply took it and sat down and began to go through it. It was a family album containing pictures of her wedding and of the boys as babies and toddlers. Looking through the pictures, Amanda saw herself as a beautiful blushing bride. She and Joe had been so happy when they got married, but sometimes happiness isn't enough to make a marriage work as she soon found out. Their ideas on marriage had been different from the start but Amanda had agreed to put her dreams on hold while Joe lived his. Money was tight and time was short as they struggled to keep a roof over their heads. Amanda worked full-time so Joe could continue his law degree. They'd decided that once he passed the bar, Amanda would then go to graduate school and pursue her dream of becoming a teacher. Well, as fate would have it, Joe passed the bar but soon after, Amanda gave birth to Phillip. She was a stay at home mom, wanting to be there for her son, but realistically, they couldn't afford day care until Joe secured a position with a law firm. Once again, Amanda's dream was put on hold. Eighteen months went by and things were turning around. Joe finally had been hired at a large law firm and Amanda had enrolled in her first graduate class. It was tough juggling her duties as a wife, mother and a student, but she was able to do so with a flair. Before long, Joe was made a full partner and things were looking up. During Christmas of that year, Amanda felt unusually tired and run down which she attributed to her hectic schedule. To play it safe, she scheduled a doctor's appointment. It was New Year's Eve, 1974.
"Well, Mrs. King, it looks as if congratulations are in order. You're expecting again. Your baby should arrive around
the first of September." Amanda was in shock. How could she be pregnant? Well, she knew how she could be pregnant, but she and Joe had been careful. They weren't trying for another child just yet. For the next several hours, Amanda wandered around the streets of Arlington in a daze. Her thoughts were jumbled and confused. She was excited at the prospect of having another child. She'd grown up as an only child and didn't want Phillip to do the same. But, things had just started to smooth out in their lives. Having a child now would certainly disrupt everything again. But, there was nothing she could do about that or at least nothing she was willing to do about it. She once again saw her dream of becoming a teacher slip away.
The chiming of the clock again brought her back to the present. 'Oh, Jamie,' she said as she tenderly fingered his baby picture, how could I ever think that I didn't want you. You are my baby boy.' Guilt washed over her as she thought about the difficult pregnancy. She still wondered after all this time if her negative thoughts had something to do with it. Maybe she was being punished for thinking, if only briefly, that she didn't want this child.
Turning the page, she saw the boys' school pictures. They were so cute, toothless grins staring back at her. Looking at all the pictures on the next several pages, she realized that Joe's presence was lacking. He had begun working at the Emergency Aid Organization and had begun traveling more and more. Again, another painful New Year's Eve came to mind.
It was New Year's Eve 1981. Joe had come back to the states for the holidays. Although it was good to have him home, they both realized that their marriage had come to an end. They spent most of the night talking trying to salvage it at least for the boys' sake but by morning, they'd both realized that it was over.
Amanda closed the album and held it to her chest. Knowing she could not keep these emotions bottled up inside any longer, she simply allowed herself to cry.
Unbeknownst to her, she was being observed through the kitchen window.
Lee was bone weary. He had been up thirty- six hours straight, had been beaten, and then endured an eight-hour flight with a screaming two-year old. It had not been one of his better weeks. But, on the bright side, he managed to bring down the group responsible for the capture of the three agents and gain their freedom. Unfortunately, he had taken a pretty good beating in the ensuing fight, but all in all, the case had a successful ending and that's all that mattered. He was supposed to report to the Agency as soon as he landed but he decided to swing by Amanda's before he headed in for his debriefing. God, he had missed her. The only thing that kept him sane on the flight home was the thought of pulling her close to him and wrapping his arms around her. Those were the moments he treasured. If he were lucky, maybe he would get to spend some time with her on this New Year's Eve. His thoughts concocted scenarios, like attending an embassy party. This year, he would promise to stay away from the vodka so he wouldn't end up in the borsht. Or maybe dinner at a restaurant. He smiled to himself. If the stars were really in his favor, he'd get to spend some time alone with her. He knew, however, the chances of that happening were slim to none what with her family and the time he'd have to spend at the Agency. 'Oh well, a fella can dream can't he?' And he did dream, all the way home. At least he dreamed as much as he could with the wailings of an unhappy toddler in the seat behind him.
He watched her through the kitchen window. If wasn't sure if she were alone or not so he decided simply to observe the happenings of the King house. He knew he could ring the front door bell, but old habits die-hard. He'd spent many an evening observing the occupants of this house. What he saw inside now disturbed him. Amanda sat in the den clutching something to her chest and she was crying. He started to make his way to the back door when he saw her rise and head toward the kitchen. He silently moved back into the shadows to further observe her.
Staring blankly out the kitchen window Amanda thought, 'this is going to be another one of those New Year's Eves. I wish Lee were here. I know he can't change the past but it sure would make me feel better if he were here.'
Seeing Amanda close up, he knew she was terribly upset about something and he decided it was time to take action. Without thinking, he made his way to the backdoor and quietly turned the handle. Silently, he entered the room and stood there watching. Amanda reached for a glass and filled it with water. She took a drink and placed it on the counter such as Lee spoke.
"Looks like someone could use some cheering up around here," he said in a low, sultry voice.
The sound of his voice caused Amanda to jump. She spun around and raced across the room, launching herself into his arms.
"You're here? You're really here and standing in my kitchen?"
The force of her body landing against his caused them to back up several steps. In an effort to keep them from pitching over, Lee wrapped his arms tightly around Amanda and twirled her around.
"Yes, it's me." Slowly lowering her to the floor he teased, "I guess that means you're happy to see me. If that's the reaction I get, maybe I should go away more often."
"No!" Amanda nearly shouted at him while tightening her hold on him.
"Yeah, I was only kidding. I'm sorry." He took a moment to pull back and look at her. "Are you okay?"
"Now that you're here I am," she said wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. Lee reached up and cupped her face with his hands, gently removing the remainder of tears from her cheeks.
"Missed me that much, huh?" he asked trying to lighten her mood. He knew something more was troubling her but she didn't seem ready to discuss it with him just yet. He knew, too, that once she had time to think about it, she would tell him what was bothering her. "So, are you here all by yourself on New Year's Eve? Is that's what's got you upset?"
"Yeah, I guess that's it," she said as she ducked her head, unwilling to look at him. Taking a moment to collect herself, she continued, "well, Mother and Captain Kurt are taking Aunt Lillian home and the boys are at the church for a youth New Year's Eve party. "
"Well, then, Mrs. King. Do you have plans for this evening? If not, I know this dashing young spy who might be willing to spend some time with you. You know, no one should be alone on New Year's Eve."
Feeling her spirits lift at Lee's gentle teasing, she replied, "Hmm, a dashing young spy, you say. Is he anyone I might know?"
Smiling down at her, he answered, "Yes, I believe you know him quite well." As he finished his statement he leaned forward and planted a tender kiss on her lips. Amanda melted into him and they spent several minutes simply enjoying the kiss they shared.
"Mmmm, I've thought about doing that all week long," he sighed as his lips left hers. "So, what shall we do tonight? We could go to a restaurant or I'm sure we could find an embassy party to attend or…"
"An embassy party? No thank you. I don't want you to end up in another bowl of borsht," she chuckled.
"Amanda!"
"I have a suggestion. How about a quiet night at home? Just the two of us."
Lee couldn't believe what he had just heard. It was his dream come true. Amanda wanted to spend the evening – just the two of them. "Uh..are you sure? I mean we could go out. I'm sure we could still get a reservation at some restaurant.."
"Lee," she admonished, "do you really want to spend New Year's Eve with a bunch of people who had too much to drink and are falling all over each other on some dance floor?"
"Oh yeah, I see your point. I just don't want you to feel…"
"What I want is you..for the evening…a nice quiet peaceful evening. Why don't I fix dinner and then …."
"Amanda, wait. I have to stop by the Agency. I came here first directly from the airport. Billy's expecting me. It will probably take me an hour or so. How about you fix us a light dinner and I'll stop on my way and pick up some snacks for later on and a movie. How does that sound?"
"That, Mr. Stetson, sounds like a plan. We can watch the ball drop and ring in the New Year together."
"Mmm… together, I like the sound of that."
After exchanging a heartfelt hug and another soul-jarring kiss, Lee was on his way.
As promised, Lee returned one hour and twenty minutes later. He had given Billy his report, stopped by his apartment to shower and change, and stopped by several stores to pick up their late night snacks. Knocking lightly on the back door, he entered as Amanda finished plating a grilled chicken salad for each of them. "Mmmm..that looks delicious," he said as he leaned forward to snitch a piece of chicken. "I didn't realize how hungry I am."
As Amanda playfully swatted his hand away, she asked, "How long has it been since you've eaten or slept for that matter?"
She'd notice how tired looking he was when he first appeared earlier in the day, but she had been so surprised to see him that she had neglected to ask. "And how did you get that black eye?"
"It's not black," he answered defensively, "it's an interesting shade of purple."
They sat down at the table and he told her about the case and she brought him up to date on the on-going feud between her mother and Aunt Lillian and also of the latest escapades of the boys.
Amanda loaded the dishwasher as Lee unpacked his bag of goodies for their midnight celebration. "Whatcha got in there?"
"Everything we need for a New Year's Eve celebration," he answered as he pulled items out of the bag. "We have chips and guacamole, party hats and noise makers, and a very special treat for a special lady." From out of the bag, Lee pulled a box and a bottle of champagne.
"What did you get, Lee?"
"I'm sorry, you'll hafta open it yourself."
Amanda opened the box and found it filled with chocolate covered strawberries. "Oh, Lee, you know these are my favorites."
She reached out to hug him and placed a kiss on his cheek. "Thank you. This is gonna be a very special New Year's Eve."
As her hands traveled over his back she curled her fingers into the softness of his sweater. "This looks very good on you," she purred reveling in the feel of the soft wool of the navy blue sweater she'd bought him for Christmas.
"Oh, does it? Well thank you. A very special friend of mine picked it out and she had very good taste."
Amanda laughed, saying, "That she does."
Settling into the den, Amanda asked, "So what movies did you bring for us? There'd better not be a western in that bag, Stetson, or, you'll be watching it by yourself," she said in a teasing tone.
"No westerns, I promise. Let's see," Lee said as he pulled the movies out of the bag, "we have Terminator, Rambo.."
"What? Those are the choices you made?"
"You didn't let me finish, oh impatient one," he teased as he lightly kissed her lips. Amanda took the opportunity to playfully snatch the bag from his hands. "Oh you, you are just teasing me," she said as she pulled the movies from the bag. "These are much better choices," she said as she saw 'Some Like it Hot, An Officer and a Gentleman, and Charade.'
"I know how much you like Jack Lemmon, Richard Gere and Gary Grant, so I figured I couldn't miss."
Amanda popped one into the VCR and she and Lee made themselves comfortable on the couch. They snuggled together as the likes of Jack Lemmon and Marilyn Monroe danced across the stage. As the movie began its second half hour, Amanda heard Lee's gentle snoring. She cuddled more closely against him and he held her in is arms as he slept. Amanda decided to let him sleep since he had told her at dinner that he'd been awake for the past three days. She was content simply having him at her side. This may not be the most exciting New Year's Eve she'd ever spent but it would be one of the most memorable because she was sharing it with the man she loved.
By the time the movie ended, Amanda, too, was sleeping on Lee's chest. When the tape ran out and the VCR shut off, the sound of the TV woke her up. Rubbing her eyes, she lifted Lee's arm to see what time it was. It was eleven thirty and the New Year's Eve celebrations were being broadcast from New York, complete with Dick Clark. She decided to wake Lee so he would at least be awake to ring in the New Year.
Amanda gently shook his shoulder trying to wake him. "Hmm," he groaned not willing to be wakened. Amanda tried another approach. She sat up so she could better reach him and she began to plant feather light kisses across his face. With each kiss she gently called him by name. Before long, she noticed a smile pulling at the corners of his mouth. Lifting her head, she watched as his eyes slowly opened.
"Hi," she said tenderly as she again leaned forward to place a kiss on his lips.
As she pulled away from him he whispered, "now that's the way to wake up," and he pulled her head back down to meet his lips.
Amanda chuckled. "Better than an alarm clock, huh?"
"Mmmm..much better."
"Well, sleepyhead, you'd better wake up if you want to ring in the New Year. It almost time."
Lee shifted suddenly almost knocking Amanda off the couch. "Some exciting date I turned out to be," he said running his hand through his hair. "Oh, Amanda, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep on you…."
"Actually, I fell asleep on you," she acknowledged. "Lee, I know how tired you are. I really don't mind. Come on, let's break out the chips and guacamole and ring in this New Year's in style."
Gathering their loot, they sat back in front of the TV to watch the celebration. "Oh, wait, we forgot something," Amanda sad as she headed back toward the kitchen. When she returned, she was wearing one of the party hats Lee bought.
"Oh that's cute," he teased. As she reached out to place the other hat on his head, he began protesting. "Yeah, you don't really expect me to wear that, do you? You know I don't like hats."
"Oh come on now, you hafta get in the mood. You know, I'm beginning to see a pattern here. You're just as hard to get in the mood for this holiday as you were for Christmas. Now stop fussing and put your hat on. It's almost midnight." Amanda settled the pointed hat on Lee's head with a snap of the elastic band.
"Ouch," he hollered in mock anger, "and as I told you Christmas, I am not hard to get in the mood."
"Well, I guess it depends on what 'mood' we're talking about." Before Lee could offer a comment, Amanda continued, "Look, the count down is beginning."
Their attention turned to the TV screen as Dick began the official countdown. Amanda grabbed Lee's hand and counted along with Dick. "Three, Two, One, Happy New Year!" she and Lee shouted together as they waved the noisemakers and blew on the party horns Lee bought earlier. Soon the revelry wore off and they set down the horns and noisemakers and took off their part hats.
"Hey, how about starting a New Year's tradition?" Lee asked as he gathered Amanda into his arms.
"Oh, what do you have in mind?" she asked.
"This." He leaned forward, eyes looking with hers, and simply stared, drinking in her beauty. Then he continued his journey, touching his lips to hers in a soft kiss. Amanda responded in kind as she deepened the kiss. When they finally broke apart, they were both somewhat breathless.
"Happy New Year, Amanda."
"Mmmm Happy New Year to you, too. That's some tradition."
"Oh, you liked that did you? Well, how about another?"
Amanda closed her eyes expecting to feel Lee lips engulf hers once again but instead she was surprised when she felt his hand close around hers and pull her up off the couch.
"Dance with me." Lee loved to dance with Amanda. He loved the feel of her body against his. He loved the smell of her perfume as it delighted his senses. He loved the way she seemed to mold her soft pliant form to the hard angles of his body. And he loved the feel of her in his arms. To Lee, the world simply melted away when Amanda was in his arms. "Do you remember the first time we danced?"
Amanda rested her head against his chest. She could hear and feel the strong beat of his heart. She felt safe in Lee's arms. "Mmm hmm," she nodded. "As I recall, I was terribly undressed but you looked ruggedly handsome in your tuxedo."
"Ruggedly handsome?"
"Yeah, the dashing playboy." She smiled at the memory. "You know," she said lifting her head to look at him, "I knew then there was something special about you."
"Oh yeah?"
"Yeah."
"Well, guess what? I think you captured my heart on that day."
"Really?"
"Uh huh. From that day on, I have never been able to put you out of my mind."
"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"
"Oh, it's a very, very good thing."
They continued dancing. As they danced, Lee caressed her cheek with his lips as well as his hands. Amanda hands began an exploration all their own, exploring his strong back and trailing her fingers through his soft hair. Things were beginning to heat up and Lee decided to slow them back down before it was too late. Not wanting to lose control, he began to disengage himself from Amanda, saying "Why don't we take this to the couch and talk?"
Amanda couldn't believe her ears. "Talk?"
"Yeah, you know we have a lot to discuss." Lee had been doing a lot of thinking on the plane trip back from Germany. He and Amanda were engaged but they had not really discussed the implications of that since they'd agreed upon the idea of a secret marriage.
"I thought we were communicating just fine."
Lee laughed. "Yeah we were, maybe a little too fine." He lowered his head to collect his thoughts before he continued. "Amanda, I love being here with you like this. This is what makes everything else worth living. It's just so hard having to leave you each night when I want nothing more than to hold you in my arms all night long. And, Amanda, I'm not just talking about se.. uh..a physical relationship. I don't want to rush things between us and God knows when we make love it will be heaven. But, we need to do some serious talking about our relationship. I want to marry you, Amanda King; I am ready to marry you. But how are we gonna work all this out?"
"Wow, what caused you to become so serious all of a sudden?"
"It's not all of a sudden. I've been thinking about it for a long time. Well, at least ever since I proposed. Do you know you made me the happiest man alive when you agreed to marry me? I truly believe I have finally found what I have been looking for all my life. Amanda, you have given me more than I ever could imagine, your love, your trust, your understanding, even a family. I want to share my life with you and the boys and even your mother, but I just don't know how we can make this work." Lee sighed, running his fingers through his hair and leaning heavily into the couch.
"Lee," she called to him but he seemed to be a million miles away. "Lee, look at me." Finally his head raised and his eyes met hers. "Hey, we'll make it work. I don't know how but we have something very special here and it's not going to fade away. You have given me more than I ever thought I deserved…"
Lee shook his head in protest of what Amanda was saying, but she reached out and touched his lips in order to silence him.
"You believe in me, in my abilities, and you've help me become the woman I am today. Because of you, I have found a life that's fulfilling and rewarding. I know I have your love and your trust and that's better than anything else the world has to offer. We just have to give it more time. You are just getting to know my family but we have to think about their safety. I don't know how we'll do it, but we will find a way to be together. Let's give it a little more time. Like I told Joe, it's gonna be a great future." She leaned forward to plant a gentle kiss on his lips. "Happy New Year, Lee."
Lee grinned from ear to ear. "Happy New Year, Mrs. Soon to be Stetson."
"Mmmm, I like the sound of that."
"Me too."
They sat together for a long time content to be in each other's arms lost in their own thoughts. As the clock chimed one, Lee began to stir. "Amanda, it's getting late and I should be going. Besides, your mother and the boys will be home soon."
Amanda turned and gently pushed him back against the couch. "Lee, Mother and the boys won't be home tonight. Mother is staying with Aunt Lillian for a few days and the boys are at a church lock-in. Joe is picking them up tomorrow and they are going to watch the bowl games together. I thought I told you all that when you first got here."
"No, you just told me that they weren't here."
"Oh, well, I thought you knew. So, see, you don't have to go rushing off. Just settle back and let's see if we can do some more communicating," Amanda said wiggling her eyebrows.
"And what kind of communicating did you have in mind?"
"The silent kind…" Amanda whispered as she began to plant kisses along his jaw.
"Oh, I see," Lee responded as he began caressing the soft curls of her hair. "Before we get on with this conversation, I believe we need a toast." He gently set Amanda back onto the couch and rose going into the kitchen. There he pulled out the bottle of champagne he'd brought along with the chocolate covered strawberries. "Care to join me?"
Amanda went to the kitchen and snatched one of the strawberries. "Hmmm these are wonderful."
"So are you," Lee whispered. With that, he handed her a glass of champagne and said, "I propose a toast, to you Amanda, I promise I will love you for the rest of my life."
Hearing his words cause tears to well up in her eyes. "Oh. Lee, I love you so much. And I promise, I will love you for the rest of my life." Hearing Amanda utter those words brought tears to his own eyes. Never again would he be alone. Amanda would be by his side no matter what lay in store. As they stared into each other's eyes, they sipped the poured champagne. Lee reached out and took Amanda's glass, setting them both on the counter.
He pulled her to him and crushed her lips with a mind-numbing kiss. His tongue teased and cajoled asking for entrance as he worried her bottom lip. Amanda opened her mouth and welcomed him, teasing his tongue with hers. Lee smiled against her lips, tasting the sweetness of the chocolate covered strawberry and the tartness of the champagne as well as the essence of Amanda. Pulling back, he held her face in his hands and gently wiped away the tears that trickled down her cheeks. These he knew to be tears of joy. But as he dried them, he thought about the tears he'd seen as he observed her through the kitchen window.
He lightly kissed her lips and followed with the corners of her mouth, then her nose and finally each eye. Amanda stood mesmerized as he feasted upon her. As his thumb lightly caressed her lips, he simply stared at her enjoying the look of sheer delight on her face. Amanda finally opened her eyes to see the look of pure love on Lee's face. She reached out with one hand to tenderly stroke his face. With the other hand, she plucked another strawberry from the plate and brought it to his lips. Lee bit into the strawberry and the juice began to run down his chin. Amanda moved in to kiss away the drip on his chin. Again they shared a deep, sensual kiss that left them both breathless. Lee buried his head in Amanda's neck and trailed kisses along her collarbone and ear, gently teasing the lobe. Amanda's hands ran over his chest, reveling in the power she felt beneath her fingers. Not satisfied with the soft material of his sweater, Amanda snaked her hands under the navy sweater and began running her fingers and nails along his back. Not to be outdone, Lee's hands began a journey over Amanda's back before coming to rest at her sides. Ever so slowly, he worked his way under her sweater, his thumbs brushing the underside of her breast. Amanda pressed closer to him, wanting to feel his hands on her. Tentatively, Lee's thumb stroked lightly over her nipple and Amanda gasped at the sensation.
Suddenly, the shrill ringing of the telephone caused them both the jump apart. Amanda recovered first reaching for the phone and Lee cleared his throat and ran his fingers through his hair.
"Hello? Oh, hi Mother. Yes, Happy New Year to You to…. I'm glad to hear you arrived safely…. Thank you, Mother. …Oh, I'm fine Mother…Yes, I watched the celebration….Yes, I did. He's here with me now. Okay, give my love to Aunt Lillian and Captain Kurt…..Goodbye Mother."
"That uh was Mother. She called to say they arrived safely at Aunt Lillian's." While Amanda related the news of the phone call, she took the time to adjust her sweater and run her hands through her hair. Lee moved back into the den and was trying his best to calm his raging hormones. This was getting harder and harder but he knew Amanda's views about pre-marital sex. Trying to find something to take his mind off the embrace they'd shared in the kitchen, his attention was drawn to the photo album laying on the end table. 'This must have been what Amanda was looking at earlier this afternoon. But why would a photo album upset her?' Lee knew he needed to find out why she had been so troubled before he arrived.
Amanda followed him into the den and appeared slightly embarrassed. She had thoroughly enjoyed what she and Lee had been doing before they were interrupted by her mother's phone call. Her concern was what might have happened if they hadn't been interrupted. She didn't doubt Lee's love for her and after all, they were engaged to be married. They were two grown adults, not a couple of hormonally charged teenagers. 'Well, best not to think along that route right now, Amanda. Besides, the mood has been broken.' She found Lee looking through the photo album.
"Whatca got there?" she asked trying to sound nonchalant. She wondered why or how Lee managed to find the cause of her earlier sadness.
"Huh? Oh, I was uh looking at your pictures here. You don't mind, do you?"
"No, I don't mind. I just wondered what got you interested in those, that's all."
Lee waged a debate in his mind. Should he tell her the real reason – that he needed something to redirect his train of thoughts or should he ask her why she was so upset while looking at this album earlier in the day. Either way, he knew he might upset her, but he reasoned, he'd rather find out why so seemed so unhappy earlier in the day than risk having her think he might be ready to advance their relationship to that next level. Having decided on a course of action, he looked over at her and noticed she was fidgeting with her hands in her lap.
"Amanda," he gently called out to her. "May I ask you something?'
Shaken by his question, she answered, "Sure, Lee, what is it?"
He stood up and began to pace – a sure sign that he was troubled. "Well, I uh…when I…" Taking a deep breath, he tried to steady his nerves and began again. "Well, when I stopped by here this afternoon, you seemed pretty upset. I just wondered what it was that had you so troubled."
Unwilling to share her turmoil with him she said, a little to cheery, "Upset, I wasn't upset. Why would you think I was upset? Well, maybe I was just a little upset. You startled me and I told you, I was just upset because I thought I'd be alone for New Year's, that's all. Then you showed up and I'm not alone so everything is fine. Don't you agree?" She did her best to sound convincing but Lee wasn't buying it.
"Amanda, I know you and I know you weren't upset because you were by yourself. You've been here by yourself many times before. And I also know that when you are trying not to lie to me, you answer my questions by turning them into your questions." 'Man, now I know I'm in trouble. I'm beginning to sound like her.' Gently he went on hoping she would tell him what was troubling her. "Now, please tell me why you looked so despondent this afternoon." He knew he probably shouldn't ask, but the question was out of his mouth before he had time to rationalize. "Did Joe do or say something to upset you?"
Amanda quickly looked up at him and answered, "Oh no, Joe wouldn't do anything to hurt me." 'At least not intentionally.'
"Okay, then, was it the boys or your Mother. Have she and Lillian been carrying on again?"
Amanda laughed, "Lee, they will be 'carrying on' as you put it until their dying day."
He was almost afraid to ask his next question. He ceased his pacing and sat down on the coffee table directly in front of her. "Well, then, uh, was it me? Were you upset because I hadn't contacted you?"
Sighing resolutely, she knew he wouldn't stop until she told him. Deciding that maybe it was best to unburden her heart, she reached out taking his hands in hers and pulled him over to the couch to sit beside her. If she were going to get this out, she needed to feel his strength. "No, Lee, you didn't upset me. I knew you were on assignment and Billy let me know you'd had kept each of your check ins. I was worried about you, but you did nothing to upset me. Okay, I was upset this afternoon because, well, because New Year's Eve isn't one of my favorite holidays."
"You're kidding. Amanda, I don't know anyone who loves holidays more than you," he gently teased. "Besides, how could your New Year's Eves hold a candle to our Christmas Eve tradition of being captured by the bad guys?"
Amanda didn't respond for several minutes. Then, in a voice barely above a whisper, she said, "It was on New Year's Eve that Joe and I finally realized our marriage was over. He told me he wanted a divorce."
"Oh, Amanda," he said contritely as he gathered her into his arms, "I sorry. I didn't mean to sound.."
"It's okay. It's just that this is something very personal. And it's hard to admit that I failed. Our marriage failed and I have to live with the effects of that and what effect that had on the boys. They were so young and didn't understand. I just wonder sometimes how their lives might be different if Joe and I had been able to work things out."
Lee tried his best to remain calm. Surely she didn't mean that the way it sounded. "Amanda, the boys are fine. You did a great job of raising them; In fact, you raised them by yourself even while you and Joe were still married. He was off in Estocia and…" He decided this probably wasn't the time to voice his opinion of Joe King. How any man could leave his children and his wife to help others, well, he just couldn't understand. Getting his thoughts back on track, he continued, "Amanda, those boys are well-behaved, respectful of others, and are perfectly normal."
"Thank you," she said looking into his eyes for the first time since beginning this conversation. "Yeah, they are pretty special. I don't know what I would have done without them …and Mother." That thought caused her to drift to another awful New Year's Eve. "But you know, Lee, I not the world's greatest mother, by a long shot," she said dejectedly.
"Now why in the world would you say that?"
She proceeded to tell him about the New Year's Eve she found out she was pregnant with Jamie. Oh, Lee, how could I even think about not wanting that baby? What kind of mother does that make me?" She got up from the couch and began pacing. "How could I be so selfish that I wouldn't want my own child?" Tears were now streaming down her face.
Lee leapt off the couch and gathered her into his arms. "Amanda, you are not a terrible mother. Look, everyone has doubts," he said not knowing what words of assurance he could offer her. "Besides, you said it yourself, you only thought about it briefly. It was a shock finding out you were pregnant at a time in your life when you could finally begin thinking about your needs. And, I know you, Amanda King," she said as he gently lifted her head to meet his eyes, "you have too much respect for life. You never would have gone through with it. It was just one of those unsettling moments we all have. We've all done things we aren't particularly proud of. "
She was feeling better after hearing Lee's words. She had never told anyone about this episode in her life, but somehow it seemed right sharing it with Lee. She reached up and planted a soft kiss on his cheek. "Thanks..for being such a good listener."
"I'll always be here for you, Amanda. I love you." He held her briefly before directing them back to the couch. "Now, are you feeling better about New Year's Eve?"
She cast her eyes downward as she thought about telling him about her father. She never talked much about her father because it was too painful. And she knew taking about her father would bring up too many painful memories for Lee regarding his own parents. She made a decision not to say anything more when she heard him call her name.
"Amanda, there's more isn't there? Please just tell me. You know holding all this inside is not good for you. Please let me help you."
And so Amanda related yet another New Year's Eve memory recalling the details of her father's heart attack. She told him all about the long days and nights spent at the hospital hoping her father would recover but knowing somehow that he would not. With tears again rolling down her cheeks she said, "Now you know why I'm not so fond of New Year's Eve. Two of the most important men in my life left me on New Year's Eve."
Lee gathered her close not knowing how to respond. All he could offer her at that moment was he comfort and the safety of his arms. Letting her go briefly, He cupped her face and gently wiped away the tears with his thumbs. As his eyes bore into her very soul, Amanda felt the love he held for her.
"But, you know else? This New Year's Eve brought back to me the man I love." She leaned forward and placed her lips on his.
Lee returned the kiss with restrained passion. Finally pulling back from their kiss he heard the clock chime two o'clock. "Listen, it's getting late and I'd better be going. You're probably tired and I'm finding it hard to keep my eyes open."
"Lee, I know it's late but…."
"What? What is it Amanda?"
"Well, since it is so late and because you're so tired and….and because I don't want to be alone tonight, will you stay with me?"
"Amanda, are you sure? I mean is this what you really want?"
"Yeah, I'm sure. I just don't think I want to be alone."
"Well, okay if that's want you want. I'll sleep here on the couch…."
"No, not on the couch," she said shyly. "Please I want you with me. I just want to be in your arms."
"If your sure," he said giving her another chance to relent. "I'm too tired to protest."
Amanda took him by the hand and led him up the stairs. "I think I can find something for you to sleep in. Phillip has a number of those oversized tee-shirts and last week Jamie came home in a pair of Joe's sweats because he spilled a coke all over his jeans."
She left Lee to change as she went into her bedroom do to the same. A few minutes later she heard a light knock on the door. "Is it okay to come in?" Lee asked.
"Sure, come on in," she said as she held back the covers for him. Lee eagerly climbed into bed. This was far better than any dream he had while returning from his assignment. He gathered Amanda into his arms and she snuggled against his chest. "Hmmm, this is nice," he said relaxing into the warm recesses of the bed. "It feels good to have you in my arms like this."
"I agree."
Sleepily Lee said, "So are there any New Year's Day traditions we have to look forward to?"
"Just one," Amanda said as she turned to kiss him goodnight, "tomorrow you can help me take down all the Christmas decorations."
"What?" Lee said chuckling. "So that's why you really wanted me to stay, right?"
"You know me too well. Happy New Year, Lee. I love you."
Kissing her, Lee returned, "I love you, too Amanda. I promise, this is going to be a great New Year."
Within minutes they drifted off to sleep in each other's arms.
The End
Story Notes:
This is a companion piece to my story entitled "Christmas Traditions – Old and New."