What’s in a Name?
Amanda West King Stetson sat behind her large wooden desk in the Q-Bureau, staring down at the slightly wrinkled paper she held in her hands. She realized that time had slipped away from her as she glanced up at the clock before turning her attention to her husband’s empty desk. ‘Gosh,’ she thought, tilting her head slightly, ‘it’s been over an hour since Lee left to go talk to Mr. Melrose. He’ll be back soon, and I haven’t even started this yet.’
Looking down at the paper, she studied the blanks where she was to fill in her new name to register with the Social Security office. With a sigh, she admitted to herself that she felt very uncertain. She loved Lee with all her heart, and she knew that taking his name was proof of that love. But was she really ready to make such a public, and final, change.
All through her childhood and into womanhood, she had been Amanda West. Then she had meet Joe King and had taken his name, thus becoming Amanda King. She had carved that identity into someone who was a wife, a homemaker, and a mother, but now, it meant so much more.
It still had ties to her ex-husband in some ways, especially because of her children. They would grow up and become men bearing the name King, just as she had West. They would always be Joe’s boys, but she was no longer Joe’s wife.
She saw Joe as a friend now, and perhaps they had always been meant to be just "friends." Their marriage had been good to begin with, but after the boys were born and Joe wanted to concentrate on helping underdeveloped countries, they came to realize they wanted different things in life. She had kept his name because she was Amanda King and had been for many years. Changing her name back to Amanda West would mean she was moving backwards, and she wanted to keep moving forward.
That was over fifteen years ago. She had made a name for herself; an identity all her own, as Amanda King. Sure the sound of "Amanda Stetson" was music to her ears, and she knew that Lee would want nothing more than for her to be known to the world as his wife, Amanda Stetson. But who would that person be? Amanda King was a mother of two wonderful boys, a PTO member, an active member of her community, and Scarecrow’s partner. Amanda Stetson would be a wife and still part of the Agency’s greatest team, but at what cost to herself?
It had been a huge adjustment when she had become Amanda King, not only getting used to no longer being Amanda West, but realizing that Amanda King was now a part of her, who she was going to be. She hadn’t been Joe’s wife in quite some time, and although she had his name, she didn’t see herself in conjunction with Joe any longer. Sure they had the boys in common, and they always would.
However, in the past year, Lee had proven he was a large part of her boys’ lives and had made a huge effort to be a wonderful step-dad to them.
Looking back to the form she needed to fill out in order to legally change her name, she asked herself one question: did she really want to legally be known as Amanda Stetson? She could very easily introduce herself as Amanda Stetson, but legally, what was the harm in staying Amanda King? At the office, she could still have her own identity as Mrs. King. Not to mention that, with all the enemies Lee had, maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to stay King on paper. Besides, there were so many other things that needed to be filled out to change her name: a new license, new Agency IDs, credit cards, and an amendment to her mortgage, just to name a few.
Keeping King would still legally tie her to her boys, and although they were now young men, they were still her dependants. The thought of the boys brought the thought of future children to mind. Lee was just becoming used to the idea of being Phillip and Jamie’s stepfather. They had never really discussed bringing a new life into the world, a child that was theirs. That thought had some wonderful feelings behind it. But a child would mean lots of changes for her. She had already put motherhood before any thought to a career in the past. She enjoyed working again. Sure this life had its ups and downs, its dangers, but it was exciting too.
She could always change her name then, if she and Lee had a child. Just then, the sound of the door closing and the lock clicking woke her from her reverie. She looked up to see her husband standing by the door, watching her.
"Hi." Lee smiled. He had watched her for the last few minutes, trying to figure out what had her so deep in thought. "I just came up to see if you were ready to go. I turned in our report on the Sutor case." His soft smile turned into a wicked grin of promise as he continued, "The whole weekend is ours to do as we please. Billy promised me—us--no interruptions."
Amanda looked back to the paper on the desk. "I guess so."
"What were you working on?" Lee moved over to the desk, sat down on the edge, and peered over at the paper she held in her hands. Realizing what it was, he ducked his head down and leaned over to look into her eyes. "I thought you would have finished that an hour ago."
Amanda shrugged. "Who would have thought this paperwork would take so long." Taking his hand into hers, she locked her brown eyes with his hazel. Rising, she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him gingerly.
Lee returned the kiss with more passion. When the kiss ended, he said, "Wow. One of these days, Amanda Stetson, I’m not going to be able to control myself from taking advantage of you, right here in this office."
She tentatively laughed, and then immediately became quiet as Lee’s use of their married name filtered through her mind.
Lee’s forehead wrinkled in confusion as he watched her emotions play out on her face. Reaching out and taking her hand in his, he locked eyes with her. "What’s wrong?"
Amanda removed her hands and pulled apart from Lee. She walked over to the couch in their office and sat down.
"Amanda?" Lee grew concerned. She had been deep in thought when he came in and then brightened when she had seen him. He wasn’t sure what he had said to change her mood.
Amanda looked at Lee’s face and saw his furrowed eyebrows. She patted the seat next to her. "I’m all right, Lee. Really. I’m fine. I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking lately."
Lee moved to join her on the couch, thinking about how much his life had changed because of the wonderful woman waiting for him. She was usually so open and free with her thoughts, and her sudden seriousness made his insecurities resurface. Could she have changed her mind about being with him?
Sitting down on the seat next to her, he took her hands into his. Clearing his throat to hide his anxiety, he whispered, "About what?"
Leaning against the strong shoulders that had become her foundation over the past few years, she sighed. "You’ll probably think it’s silly of me."
"Amanda." Encircling her body with his arms, he tucked her head under his chin. "No matter how silly you think it is, I won’t. I love you no matter what. Now, come on. Tell me what’s bothering you."
She sighed, and then squeezed his body slightly. "It’s just…well…I’m not sure I want to legally change my name, again."
"Oh." It was all he could think to say as his fears of her leaving him haunted his thoughts. "Is there a particular reason?"
Amanda shook her head slowly against his tightened chest. "There’s a lot of reasons. I mean, I’ve made a name for myself here, at the Agency, and even in my community, as Amanda King. It’s not that I don’t want to be known as Amanda Stetson. It’s just that Amanda King is who I am." Pulling back slightly to look into his concerned eyes she continued, "It’s who you fell in love with, it’s the woman I have become. We’ve kept our marriage a secret for so long, and even though we just got married publicly last month, everyone still relates to me as Amanda King."
Lee released his hold on her as he leaned back on the couch, running his left hand through his hair. Some relief filtered through his body as he realized she wasn’t going to ‘change’ her mind about sharing her life with him, she just didn’t want to "change" her name to his.
He had never thought about Amanda’s feelings on changing her name; he just automatically assumed she would. It meant a lot to him for her to be known to the world as his wife, Mrs. Lee Stetson. Besides that, having her change her name to Stetson removed some ties to Joe. He didn’t hold anything against Joe, personally. Joe King was the father of his stepsons, and a part of his wife’s life. He also knew that Joe was happily remarried now, but the man still was not a full-time part of Phillip and Jamie’s life.
Amanda watched her husband stare at the ceiling tiles as if counting each one would help him find an answer. She had felt his body relax as she told him her intent, yet he was still somewhat tense. Placing her right hand on his chest and absently playing with the buttons on his freshly pressed white shirt, she silently prayed he would understand her concerns and hoped that she had not hurt him with her uncertainty. "Lee? Please understand that I love you, so very much. More than I ever loved anyone. Including Joe. You and I are soul mates. We were destined for each other. It’s just that--"
"Shh…" Lee leaned forward and put a finger to Amanda’s lips. "I know." He wrapped his arms around her shoulder and pulled her back to him. Stroking her hair, he continued, "I guess I never thought much about you wanting to keep your identity. I guess, in a way, I’ve been selfish, thinking that you would automatically change your name." Hesitating briefly, as Amanda pulled her head out from under his chin, still not looking directly at him, he smiled softly. "What I mean to say is that I want the world to know you as Amanda Stetson. I want to shout it from the rooftops that you’re my wife and that I’m going to stay with you until the day I take my last breath. I’m just so damn proud to have you accept me as your husband. I want to make it clear to everyone that you are my wife, my life."
Amanda looked up from the buttons of his shirt she had been stroking with her fingers and looked up at his soft eyes. "I guess I’m torn. On one hand, I want to take your name, to show the world that you want me as your wife…for better or worse." She smiled at him playfully as she thought over the events of their life that could fall under the best category. Seeing his lips curve into a smile as he obviously had the same thoughts, she continued, "But on the other hand, I don’t know if I’m ready to give up my independence."
Lee opened his mouth and was about to make a comment about her name connecting her to Joe, but she cut him off. "I know what you’re going to say. King represents my connection to Joe, right?"
Lee nodded slightly. "I have to admit Amanda, that thought has crossed my mind a few times."
"The thing is, I don’t feel that connection to Joe anymore. If anything, the name King links me to Phillip and Jamie, not Joe. My marriage to Joe ended ten years ago." She turned her attention back to where her fingers had stilled on his chest. "I guess, what I’m really trying to figure out is: what’s in a name? It’s a part of who we are, right?"
She pulled from his light embrace then rose and started pacing the floor. "All your life, you’ve been Lee Stetson. For me, I was born Amanda West, then I changed it when I married Joe. I know it was the thing to do back then because I felt it was what was expected. It was exciting to change my name, to start a new life with someone new. But now I realize that starting my life with you will be so much more fulfilling, and I’ll be the luckiest woman in the world. But I don’t have to change my name to do that."
She stopped pacing and moved to kneel in front of Lee. Placing her hands on his knees, she continued, "Times have changed. I’ve changed. I’m more of an independent person then I was fifteen years ago. But the thing is, I want everyone to know that we’re a team, not just partners here but in life too. Do I have to change my name, legally, to Stetson for that to happen? Wouldn’t it be okay for me to be known as both Amanda Stetson and Amanda King? Amanda King would be me here, at the Agency. Amanda Stetson would be your wife everywhere else. It just wouldn’t be there in black and white?"
She stopped and looked into his eyes. She saw so much love there it made a small part of her want to give him this, herself in body, soul, and name. But another part of her still wanted to be what she had worked these past four years to become.
Lee leaned down and kissed her fully on the lips. "The best thing you ever did was say ‘I do’ when we stood in front of the Justice of the Peace to be my wife. You not only said it once, but twice. I can live with whatever decision you make."
Amanda smiled. "Thank you. And who knows. Someday, I may change my mind, and legally change my name. But no matter, I’m still me…I’ll always be your Amanda." Patting his knees lightly with her hands, she pushed herself up and walked over to the desk. Grabbing her purse from the back of the chair, she saw the paper once more. Picking it up, she opened the top drawer of her desk and placed it inside. Shutting the drawer, she headed for the door.
"Coming, husband?" She smiled as she watched him rise from the couch and walk towards her. She realized she hadn’t made a true decision, but it was one she felt okay with. She wouldn’t legally change her name, and as far as she was concerned, she was Amanda Stetson in her heart. Someday, she might get tired of Amanda King and decide to put her in a drawer for good.
The End
Story Notes:
Disclaimers: Scarecrow and Mrs. King is copyrighted to Warner Brothers and Shoot the Moon Production Company. This story, however, is copyrighted to the mentioned author. This story is for entertainment purposes ONLY. If you would like to add it to an archive, please just let me know.
Author’s Notes: This is in response to an email another writer mentioned on one of the egroups/yahoogroups sites. Having recently been married myself, I know what it’s like to go through the name change and identity "crisis."
Timeframe: Post Fourth Season. Shortly after their marriage has become public.
Author’s Notes: This is in response to an email another writer mentioned on one of the egroups/yahoogroups sites. Having recently been married myself, I know what it’s like to go through the name change and identity "crisis."
Timeframe: Post Fourth Season. Shortly after their marriage has become public.